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#36 The limits of being a perfectionist by Deepa Natarajan

In this episode I share with you

  • My experience as a recovering perfectionist
  • How does perfectionism limit us
  • 4 Tips to get on the path of Excellence

The number one thing that got in the way of me creating my podcasts was a need to create a perfect one. So, I kept postponing this incredible journey I wanted to get on. My inner critique was loud: I had dialogues like – How can I say all the things in just 15 min. What if I forget to say something important? What if its not well done?

The way perfectionism works is that it judges and points us out to our mistakes. It tells us we now have a change to go do it better. 

I include myself in that equation when I say us/we.

Our perfectionism points us out to our mistakes and when that happens we go make corrections and then we are pointed out again, and we correct until there is something outstanding in our belief.

I remember times when I isolated myself when others pointed out my mistakes. I’d go into this rabbit hole of feeling miserable and disappointed with myself. And then I would criticise those who made me feel terrible. And my body would feel tired and sapped of energy. Because I felt that I was the mistake and not that I made a mistake.

The moment I realised that I’m human and not a perfectly constructed thing, it took away the power.

In perfectionism there is a feeling of having arrived in a static place. In that static place we accept ourselves when we meet high standards. We have a false belief that others need us to be perfect.

Our perfectionism has a tendency to:

1. Procrastinate and postpone

2. Over delivery high standards all the time

3. Judge our self and others.

4. Become proud of our perfectionism

5. Soothe our ego – Oh I did that well, there is a high ego in the world of perfectionism.

6. Look back into what we did wrong

I know what it feels like to constantly life up to high standards. 

When I realised that my perfectionism is my #1 Joy killer! I decided to live differently.

I want to share with you what I’m learning in my journey as a recovering perfectionist.

I want you to experience more EASE of being. Because….

Perfectionism takes away the REAL YOU !

Perfectionism takes away the SPARKLES in you!

So I want to introduce you to Excellence!

Excellence is an ongoing state of being. It’s the hallmark of your qualities. It’s a hallmark of all the magnificent things you are.

In excellence there is

1. Appreciation

An ongoing appreciation for what you are attempting. Where failure indicates that you are growing. I want you to say:

“Wow. I’m so glad I tried something new, I did something different. Look, I have an opportunity to learn something.”

Every failure yields more appreciation because it gives you information to go towards excellence.

2. Flow

You are not attachment to results. You don’t cling on to a thing in the past where you are miserable about not having done or gotten something. Your setbacks and mistakes are no more the lens through which you see the world. You flow with the river of life.

3. Influence

Not control. In influence we give it our best shot without the need to get on top of things and use our power and force to make change. Its about how can I help? How I can make the difference? How can I support and serve? How can I play in my circle of influence.

4. Magnificence

Remember there is magnificence in you. You see the light and the dark sides of you. As a first step on this journey, I want you to recognise all the magnificent things about you. If I tell you to write down 10 magnificent things about you, I know you won’t do it. You have bought into the story that your perfectionism is here to protect you and make you achieve your targets. So, let that be an old story now.

Remember you are magnificent just as you are and you are becoming even more magnificent.

I want you to learn that all of life is perfect as it is and I want you to avoid being a perfectionist.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your comments, and about your perfectionist side. Write to me: deepa@meetmypotential.com

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