#6 How to Build a Co-constructed Conversation with Matthew Hill

Matthew Hill

How can we enhance our conversational skill and relate better with other people? In this podcast of Meet My Potential, we will be discussing and provide deep insights into how to build a co-constructed conversation with Matthew Hill. Matthew is a renowned global coach, author, and public speaker. He talks on the benefits of a co-constructed, conversation and how to develop it.

What is a Co-constructed Conversation?

Co-constructed conversation according to Matthew takes three forms, namely;

  • This can be described as the identification of one’s preferences during a conversation.
  • During co-constructed conversations, parties involved attempt to identify with factors that they have long been associated with.
  • These values have been formed consciously and subconsciously over the years, right from infancy to the present stage.

Co-constructed conversation starts from knowing more about the other person.

Co-constructed conversation starts with who are you, who am I, where do we come from?

These values predict your actions, feelings, and behavior. When two different people meet for the first time, they look towards identifying their self-perception in the other. Mr. A may look to see if Mr. B looks like any of the people, he knows. It is about comparing our new encounter with what we already know and experience. Should I trust or should I not trust? Should I trust or should I not trust? It is about conscious and subconscious bias.

Through a million conversations and observations, conscious and unconscious we form mind values, preferences, the bias, the predilection, and we can actually predict your feelings, actions and behaviours.

 Can Co-constructed Conversation Go Wrong? How?

Yes, this method of conversation can go wrong. Co-constructed conversation makes people leap into conclusion based on experiences latched onto their memory. It makes one dwell in the past experience while analyzing the present situation. This makes one to wrongly describe and conclude on the nature of the new event.

How Can One Make the Dream Come True?

  • One can start to build co-constructed conversation by not judging the other based on the conscious and subconscious bias. The KLT (knowing, Liking and Trusting) three pathway of finding real-time information about the other person can be used. Start from scratch to find out their stories.
  • How can I find out about their values? You can through listening and absorbing what describes them. Many people are engrossed with the values that they have acquired over the years that they fail to listen to the other person to absorb what makes them.
  • You can only learn about the other person if you actively listen to their stories. You can only know, like and trust them if you give them an undivided attention rather than jumping into conclusion based on your conscious and subconscious values.
  • Repeat their last word with a rising intonation. This will give them a feeling that you have been paying attention and they will speak more.
  • Ask them to speak more using paraphrase such as “please do speak more” and they will speak more.
  • Be curious, kind and loving with them and most especially, give them the room to open up themselves and you will know more about them.


People's actions are tied to their acquired values. Everything that they do is because of one value or the other that they believe in.

You can show empathy and respect their decisions if you should have this in the back of your mind. With empathy, the strongest communication, and learning tool, you will make progress in co-constructed conversation.

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